GUILTY PLEASURE

Self perception and beauty are warped by media’s persuasion. The torment of the majorities desire for perfection manifests in many harmful ways some obvious some hidden.  It is a constant in the world of exterior desire to be seen as ‘beautiful’ the context of my world it hold a significance though not the ultimate goal. I am touched and harmed by the bombardment of irrational and some what impossible concepts of beauty. And so it brings me in to a world of guilt as a trouble to make peace within myself and my exterior. On of the most irrational and selfish parts of my being is the obsession to cover the truth of my natural hair.. Silly and some what pathetic I still cannot shake the need to use harmful and destructive chemicals to create the outward perception of myself in a form that puts me at ease.

This is the guilt that I hold. Not being strong enough to accept my own genetics and allowing the manipulation of generic ideal of beauty to from my own conciousness. thought the case of acceptance is only mild, it is there and conflicts my moral desire to help and heal the consumer world from unnecessary uses of  materials.

This self-portrait was developed to visualise my guilt. the natural hair on the base of my hair line show the protruding dead fish ‘swimming’ through it. The guilt comes from the chemical waste flowing in to the environment for the drive of beauty that in itself eases my self-conscious mind.

The perception of ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’, the fact that the beholder being myself cannot find beauty in my curls, and finds comfort with in the falsified straightened hair begins an onion peal layer of self-concious behaviour. It is a concept that is most common in both genders and with the new technologies controllable. However minor it is  a moral guilt that I hold, and it is based upon a global plague. One must be something other then themselves in order to be deemed beautiful. Often the link to beauty is an exterior that hold no truthful value and leaves me questioning why I hold the maintenance of this slightly deranged vision of myself so highly. I have been given one gene and almost uncontrollably  I strive to change it for another. The reality being that the power of modern technology has allowed me to achieve and find comfort.. it will either destroy me or I will overcome this insanity that the media and controlled social culture had placed upon me.